“Hi. Ahem. Is this thing on? Can anyone here me? Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. I stand before you today, not as a crazy guy with no pants on, but as a man who wants to tell you the truth about aliens. They invented pants to spy on us. It’s true!” Scare strangers in random places with a speech podium briefcase. Just pop it open, jack in a speaker, and off you rave. Soapbox not included.
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